


A ghost from the past

by Raeskywalker



Category: The Beginner's Guide (Video Game)
Genre: Anger, Depression, Guilt, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-28 17:00:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19816609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raeskywalker/pseuds/Raeskywalker
Summary: He thought that he had fixed it, that maybe if Coda played the game, he would realise that in the end he only wanted to belong, to feel loved. He thought that Coda would understand, that he would hear how broken he was and forgive him.But now...Codas' voice hate-filled voice echoed through his headWhy on earth would I play my games?Davey hadn't been alright for as long as he could remember, but now that Coda had sat faced to face with him and Coda had told him he hated him.Davey couldn't breatheThe guilt and pain swallowed him as Codas' words vertebrated over and over.Our friendship is over.And Davey was well and truly alone as he sank below the waves.DownDownDown





	A ghost from the past

**Author's Note:**

> T.w  
> Depression  
> Self-harm  
> Attempted suicide
> 
> A.N My first one-shot! I am so proud of this, Jessica is an Oc and since I don't know what Coda looks like, I made it up.

It was by accident, purely a fluke.  
He spotted the curly midnight hair that his eyes gazed into at the end of the evergrowing line at the checkout and he was struck with the similarity to Codas' hair standing upon it's ending. The stubborn curls refused to budge, as a hand swiped through the thick individual strands, in an almost bored demeanour.

There was a pang in his chest.  
Of what he couldn't comprehend  
Longing, guilt, pain

Strange as he hadn't felt anything in an extremely long time.  
When the man turned around, his heart ricocheted, missing a beat as melted chocolate eyes examined the aisle next to him.

Davey couldn't breathe  
It had to be a coincidence  
Unless it wasn't  
Dubiously, Davey whispered "Coda?"

And the man twisted around to glance down at Davey.

Coda didn't seem to recognise him for a brief moment, but then he curled his lip in distaste, acknowledging him "Davey."  
Davey gnawed on his lip, slightly taken aback at Codas' clenched jaw and the bitter and hate.

"How have you been? I didn't know that you were back in Texas?" His voice wavered slightly, as he forced a small smile onto his lips.

"Just visiting," Coda replied, his voice flat.

"Cool, do you want to catch up? I know a great coffee shop down the road and I haven't seen you in years." His voice, cheerful from years of pretending and perfecting.  
Coda seemed as if he was going to decline, but he shrugged and half-heartedly responded,  
"Why not."

Davey bit at his inner cheek, he knew the only reason why Coda didn't decline was that he was too polite too. Not wanting to make a fuss in front of the endless line of people.  
"That's 34 dollars, sir." The cashier's impatient voice broke through his thoughts while Davey fumbled through his wallet, handing the money and lugged the bags, as he followed Coda out of the shops.  
...

He curled his hands over the steaming coffee cup in front of him as the overwhelming silence threatened to suffocate him.  
He prepared himself, his false smile, seeming more like a grimace adorned his face as he cheerfully announced;

"So Coda, how are things? Where have you been, I haven't seen you in what 2 years now?"

Davey shoved down the hope that threatened to burst from his chest.  
Maybe he had played the game, maybe Coda would finally understand why he had done those things and forgive him.

Coda shrugged, his eyebrows furrowed in displeasure.  
"I've been around, haven't done much. Though I can't say the same about you." His tone shifted accusing and hostile, his voice carefully guarded with shields looming over Davey.

All the hope that Davey had gathered died in his throat.

"Yeah, I published a game called the beginner's guide."  
Davey chocked out, his eyes boring into the swirling liquid.

"So I've heard." Coda spat bitterly.

Davey tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but he couldn't form any words, so he gulped the scalding coffee instead.  
The liquid scorched his throat he didn't even wince as he swallowed it, his tongue losing all sensation, the tingling heat spreading within his mouth.  
He cleared his numbingly raw throat.

"Have you even played the game?" Davey questioned, a reluctant murmur from the breeze.

"Why on earth would I play my own games!" Coda snarled back his brown eyes filled with fury.  
"You betrayed me, twice now and you tore me away from the very thing I found peace in."

Daveys' hands trembled, his knuckles bone-white digging into the cup, threatening to shatter it as his hands bloomed with burning pain.  
"I'm sorry..."

"Don't you dare! I hoped I would never see you again Davey and yet here you are like a ghost from the past." Coda started, his voice rising, his pent up rage seeping out like sand draining from a cupped hand.

"I trusted you and you tore that trust down, with your bare hands. And there's nothing you can do to repair that trust. You were convinced there was something wrong with me when you were the one with the problem."

Davey flinched as if he had been struck, but Coda didn't seem to notice or care so he continued.

"Just because I like prison games doesn't mean I was messed up. Then it was more than that, you took my work, forged your signature on it and sold it off for what 15 dollars?!" Coda snapped, hurt lacing his tone.

"You're wrong, the players knew from the start that I didn't ..." Davey trailed off as Coda interrupted

"I don't want to hear your excuses, Davey. I hate you, you stole everything and I will never forgive you."

And as Coda glared at Davys' retreating form, a part of him wondered why Davy was wearing a sweatshirt in the middle of summer. 

A sharp ring pierced through his thoughts, a genuine grin was portrayed on his face. Bringing the phone to his ear he greeted the female.  
"Hey darling, how are you?"  
A soft, gentle voice floated from the receiver.  
"Good, just finished work. You?"  
"Just finished the shopping, I'll be back soon."  
...  
Davey fumbled with his keys, his hands trembling like leaves abused by the wind. Tears blurred his vision as he collapsed inside the shadowy dark, slits of light peering through the blinds. Davey buried his face into the smooth surface of his sweatshirt.

Of course, Coda hated him.  
He destroyed his joy of creating games and worse, he had claimed the games as his, making money from Codas' pride and joy.  
He thought that he had fixed it, that maybe if Coda played the game, he would realise that in the end he only wanted to belong, to feel loved.  
He thought that Coda would understand, that he would hear how broken he was and forgive him.  
But now...  
Codas' hate-filled voice, filled with venom echoed through his head.  
Why on earth would I play my games?  
Davey hadn't been alright for as long as he could remember, but now that Coda had sat faced to face with him and Coda had told him he hated him.  
Davey couldn't breathe  
The overwhelming guilt and pain engulfed him as Codas' words reverberated over and over.  
Our friendship is over.  
And Davey was well and truly alone as he sank below the waves.  
Down  
Down  
Down  
He didn't struggle as his lungs burned, his foggy mind welcoming the unmistakable blackness.  
He relaxed, inhaling the cool water.  
...  
"What's wrong honey? You seem a bit distracted." Jessica questioned as Coda pushed the food around on his plate, the scraping filling the apartment with the painful noise.  
Codas' gazed at Jessicas' curly amber hair and troubled Saphire eyes that seemed to stare into his soul, peeling through the layers leaving him feeling vulnerable.  
"Yeah," His voice wavered slightly, then sighing as his voice strengthing. "I ran into an old fri.." he trailed off, picking up almost instantly. "Someone I used to know."  
Jessica tilted her head, her earrings glinting in the artificial light, "Oh? How did it go?" She inquired curiously, but somewhat reluctantly.

Coda shook his head to clear the anguished gaze of Davey from his mind.

"About as good as I could've predicted."  
"That bad?"Jessica reached over and clasped Codas' hand gently.  
"Yeah" His voice wobbled, like a trapeze act gone wrong.  
Jessica rubbed comforting circles in the back of his hand.  
"Aren't you going to ask who it is?" Coda asked.  
Jessica got up and collected him into a hug as he slumped into her comforting touch, they stayed like this for a few minutes breathing as one, before Coda breathed out;  
"It was Davey."  
"How was he?" She answered back, concern glittering in her eyes.

Coda couldn't believe what he was hearing.  
"What? What are you talking about?" His eyebrows furrowed, a mix of bewilderment and hurt laced in the tone.

"After all that has happened with beginners guide, I wouldn't be surprised if he's struggling."

Coda pushed her away, confusion and irritation tangled in his gaze.

"What are you talking about, that game was a mix of my games, why on earth would he 'be struggling?'"  
He replied sarcastically using bunny ears as apostrophes for the last phrase.  
Jessicas' azure eyes locked into his,  
"Have you played the game?"

Coda scoffed, rolling his eyes "Of course not."  
"I think you should play it."

"Why? I already know what's on it. Funny story I coded all the games."

"You should play it," Jessica repeated

"Are you a broken record? I'm not playing something that I made." Coda threw his hands up, exasperated.

"Please. I think it would be good, for both of you." She reasoned.

Coda opened his mouth, a smart retort already on his lips but she bet him too it.

"I know the original games were yours and you feel betrayed that he published them. But he made changes, he really cares about you and he wanted this as an apology. For you to understand."  
Her eyes drifted towards the clock, "I'm going to bed, but you know my password. He really cared about you and he made this game for you, wanting for you to understand."

Coda sat staring at his clasped hands listening to the ticking of the clock.  
Tick  
Tock  
Tick  
Tock  
Minutes morphed into hours and his legs gradually began to lose sensation.  
He finally lifted himself off the seat, he leant against the wall to brace himself as he shuffled towards Jessica's gaming chair. Sighing, his shoulders collapsed as he punched the password and ran the file.

... 

He sat numb, staring at the blank screen, his mind writhing with thoughts and emotions.  
What had he done?  
This game was an apology, an extended hand for him to understand Davey and he immediately suspected the worst.

Even though Davey had changed so much of his work, the blue notes included, Coda spent ages reading through each note  
The repeated messages of self destruction as Davey seemed to talk to himself, some humorous some dark. 

His heart constricted as guilt sunk in.  
"What have I done?" He croaked out, his palms met his face, sholders quivering, while his tears flowed out.  
"What have I done?"  
...  
His phone wouldn't stop chiming, the illuminating blue screen piercing through the smothering darkness.  
His eyes had become accustomed to the dark shadows that formed in his vision.  
The chime echoed through the night or was it day?  
But he couldn't bring himself to care, couldn't seem to care how long had passed.

Every breath he finally managed to force out felt like fire and he just wanted this overwhelming numbing feeling to just vanish.  
You can  
his brain seemed to respond  
You can end all of this, the suffering  
Do you really think that Coda cares about you, that he is your friend?  
You heard him, he hates you he despises you  
Because you're a fucking mess  
You are a mistake  
A burden and he will never forgive you because you betrayed him  
"Stop" he croaked, his nails digging into the numerous crisscrossing lines on his arm.  
You deserve this, you pathetic excuse of a game developer  
You destroyed Codas' life and claimed it as yours.  
You deserve all of this pain and suffering  
His nails dug into the red lines, a steel grip leaving deep crescent-shaped depressions on the skin.

But the pain wasn't enough to keep the thoughts at bay, as the relentless voice drove the knife again and again in his Achilles heel.  
It left him wimpering, curled agianst himself, trembling as the darkness smothered him.

He painstakingly crawled, dragging himself to the kitchen, stretching up and hoisting himself just enough to grab the razor-sharp knife laying on the bench.

Davey stared at the object, gradually bringing the knife towards his wrist.

"I'm sorry Coda" he muttered, his tone broken shards shattered.  
As he dug the knife in, the door abruptly swung open.  
The bright light caused him to be disorientated he blinked rapidly, clearing the blinding light watched the shadowy figure aimlessly searched for the switch.  
As the light illuminated the room, Coda stared his eyes round saucers portraying sheer terror, shock and guilt on his face.  
"Davey?" His tone asked uncertain and serrated with rough emotion.  
...  
"Hey, this is Davey I can't answer the phone right now so leave a message."

The distinctive ringtone repeated over and over again and Coda hung up, for the 5th time.

Anxiety stripped his insides as guilt squeezed his heart.  
It had been 3 days and nobody had heard a sound from Davey.  
He hadn't appeared at work and none of his friends had seen him all of their concerned texts and calls left abandoned.  
Coda paced, back and forth, back and forth, his thoughts ran rampant with what-ifs.  
Jessica strolled in, her eyes full of concern that Coda didn't deserve her, as his guilt descended like an anchor.  
"Honey.." She trailed off as he interrupted, his voice tense with worry and fear as he wrung his hands around the phone  
.  
"He's not answering, I don't know what to do and nobody has seen him for 3 days and this is my fault and I don't know how to fix it..."

Jessica collected him in a hug, as his breathing picked up, on the brink of hyperventilation.  
"Breathe, call his work and see if you can get his address. I know that you feel so bad right now, but you need to find Davey and you guys will need to be there for each other."

She was right, he had to force himself to breathe, his rhythmic breathing hushing his erratic heart down as he shakily typed in the recent number.

"Hello welcome to Everything Unlimited how may we help you?"  
...  
"Davey" Coda murmured comforting as if he was talking to a wild animal, his hands raised to show he means no harm.  
"Can you give me the knife?" He urged, his voice weighed down with fear.  
Davey didn't reply and proceeded to hunch over himself, obscuring his wrist, from Codas' view, with the knife.  
Coda crouched, a sharp intake as he observed scars ranging from the thick scabbed to the thin white littering his arms.  
Davey raised his head and Codas' heart broke at the pure agony portrayed on his face.  
"I'm sorry Coda."  
"I know, Dav." He answered, using the old nickname that seemed aeons ago.  
"I forgive you."  
Coda delicately reached out grasping the knife handle, pulling it towards him and setting as far out of Daveys' reach as possible.

"I'm sorry too, if I had stopped being a self-centred prick, I could've helped you, instead I pushed you away when you needed help."

"'sokay" Davey mumbled, his face hidden as he avoided Codas' penetrating gaze "I'm just a ghost from your past."  
Coda shook his head, "I need you in my life, give me another chance please"  
"Only if you start coding again."  
"Deal."  
He pulled him into a hug and they sat in silence, comforted by the presence of the other.


End file.
